The Fifteen-Minute Solution - Erin Zarro

At the end of last year, I promised myself that I wouldn't stress myself out trying to do All The Things. I had some deadlines hitting, and I knew that if I beat myself up over not writing, it'd make it all much worse.For me, things accumulate — I'm not writing, I'm working twelve-hour days, I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm stressed...I have to be so careful because of the fibro and trigeminal neuralgia. I could put myself into a major flare that could take months to recover from.

And who the heck needs that on top of everything else?

So I was pretty much okay and zen about it.

Then...my muse started whispering things to me again.

"You're not writing. You're wasting valuable time."

"You're feeling okay today. How about a few hundred words?"

"That idea I gave you last week would be perfect to dive into! What are you waiting for?"

Ugh. Sometimes — okay, most of the time — she's relentless. And a bit psychotic. I put up with it because when she's good...she's phenomenal. When she's like this...not so much.

The other thing is that if I am not being creative on a regular basis, I fall into a depression. I feel worthless. Life has no meaning. Part of me is missing, like an amputated limb. It is absolutely one of worst states to be in, and I actively try to avoid that.

There's only one way to relieve it. By being creative.

A Plot Squirrel Attack—Diana Pharaoh Francis

I have no idea what I wanted to talk about today. I had an idea, and then it all went away when I was mugged (finally—I've been wandering through the seedier streets of my brain, trying to look at weak and helpless, rubbing bacon fat all over myself so that I'll look tastier to plot attacks, but the plot wolves seem to have been off at a party in somebody else's brain). Anyhow, I've been mugged (swarmed) by some insane plot squirrels left behind when the wolves moseyed off, and they have taken over my brain.

Devon Monk, R.J. Blain, Faith Hunter, and I, are putting together an anthology title Dirty Deeds (up for preorder now!) with four novellas and a couple of stories set in our individual worlds. Mine will take place in my Mission: Magic world. My brain has been swirling around ideas for the novella for awhile, but suddenly the meth-addicted plot squirrels have grabbed the wheel and we're careening backwards down a hair-pinned road through a magical canyon of coolness and fun and quirky plans and OMG I can't get away with that, can I?.

And yes. Yes, I can get away with them. (Cue maniacal laughter).

So just to give you an idea, in this book will be a goat named Elliot that's immune to magic, ghosts, a very diminutive giant, pixies, a love story, a not-so-love story, and a wedding gone seriously awry, plus a curse and some rather compromising situations.

It's going to be so much fun to write! Because let me tell you, that diminutive giant is VERY diminutive. Bwhahahaha!

And now I'm off to go chase the plot squirrels and see where they go . . .

Villains We Love...Even Though We Shouldn't

Spike (Buffy). Rowena (Supernatural). Loki (Marvel).

Villains. They've done bad things, killed people, made a play for world domination. But we love them anyway. Why?

What makes these villains different from the ones we hate? Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter). President Snow (Hunger Games). Marauders (X-Men).

There are some villains that you spend the whole story waiting for them to die a horrible, violent death in a way only a revenge-porn society can crave a terrible end. Villains that make us grind our teeth, just trying to get through their scene so we don't have to look at their stupid, smug face anymore. But there are also villains that we look forward to, maybe even secretly cheer for. The ones we don't want to see fail.

So where's the line? What are the criteria for putting a villain in a "you're bad, but you can still sit by me" as opposed to the "you can die now, thanks," group?

Here are my thoughts:

Villains We Love

1.) Everyone loves a laugh. 

Give me a villain that makes me laugh, and I'm more likely to put him on my side of the cafeteria table. This humor can come from a variety of sources:

a.) Wit. Some villains just have great lines. Loki: "You'll kill me? Evidently there will be a line."
b.) Annoyance. This is one of my favorites. I love it when villains are annoyed. Think Scar (Lion King). "I'm surrounded by idiots."
c.) Delivery. Sometimes the villain just says the something in exactly the right way that it just feels funny and satisfying. King Humperdink (Princess Bride): "I think you're bluffing."

2.) They have a line they won't cross.

A great villain isn't two dimensional, they are the hero of their own story, and they have a valid (if only in their own mind) argument for why they do what they do. If that's the case, then there is usually something they value, some line they won't cross. This keeps them from sliding into pure evil, nothing redeemable to like here.

This line could be certain people they won't hurt (no women and children) or it could be as simple as keeping their word when it's given.

3.) You can see where they're coming from.

Magneto (X-Men) is my favorite for this one. Also Killmonger (Black Panther). These are villains that have done bad things, but you can understand what drove them to it. This is usually a case of do you agree that the ends justify the means.

4.) They're not as bad as...

If you put a villain next to an even worse villain, that that villain becomes less...villainous, by comparison. This is usually about the time the original villain switches sides and fights with the heroes against the bigger bad.

Villains We Hate

1.) Rapists.

Spike was so loved by the fandom that the writers needed to do something to cut through all that adoration and make him a villain again. Hence the sexual assault scene. It was the only think Spike could do that could put a dent in his fan club. I remember reading that James Marsters was really upset about it. He's turned down roles that required scenes like that, and he didn't see that one coming.

2.) Too much smug taunting.

This could be me, but I really hate the evil genius trope. Now, this can be mitigated with one of the above techniques for making a villain likable, but without one of those tropes, I despise series/books/movies where I'm forced to watch the evil genius thwart the hero and wallow in "I'm better than you" mockery. It makes me want to punch them in the face, and fast forward/skip those scenes. (I'm looking at you, Pilant (Bones)).

This can be done well if you combine it with humor. Also, as long as there's some back and forth with success, hero scores one, villain scores one, it can be less irritating.

3.) No personality.

A two-dimensional villain can be satisfying when they're defeated, but they're also just boring. I felt this way about Voldemort (Harry Potter). He didn't make a lot of sense to me, so he just became super-evil guy who tried to kill a baby. And failed.

Your Thoughts?

What villains do you love? What villains do you hate? Why?

Valentine Fantasies

It’s Valentine’s Day! Hearts, flowers, and all things red, shiny and Hallmarked.

Alas, the history of Valentine’s Day is rather gruesome. It’s celebrated on February 14^th as that is the day when Saint Valentine himself was buried, after being martyred in 269. He was a Roman bishop who was reportedly persecuted as a Christian. Legends suggest that amongst his many doings, he performed wedding ceremonies for Roman soldiers who wished to marry under the Christian faith, and cut out hearts from parchment to remind the men of their vows. Valentine’s Day itself didn’t become an expression of love until the fourteenth century and of course now includes symbols such as hearts and gorgeously chubby baby Cupids firing arrows of love.

When I was a kid, my favourite Greek myth was actually Cupid and Psyche. What could be more romantic than falling for the God of Love himself – and being adored by him in return? Poor old Psyche was, like many Greek heroines, too beautiful for her own good. How very dare she… Her mere existence annoyed Venus so much that she sent her son, Cupid, to take revenge on Psyche for daring to be pretty. Cupid fell for Psyche but knew he had to hide his true identity from her. He extracted a promise from Psyche that she wouldn’t attempt to look at him. Unfortunately, as is the way of these things, Psyche’s jealous sisters goaded her into breaking that promise, suggesting that her new lover was a monster. Psyche visited Cupid in the dead of night, sneaking up on his sleeping body to catch a glimpse of him. When she leaned over him with her lamp, however, she dripped hot oil onto his skin. He woke up and fled, leaving Psyche alone and desperate. Unlike other heroines, however, she wasn’t about to just tear out her hair and shred her clothes. She set about winning Cupid back, performing a series of supposedly impossible tasks to prove her love for him. In the end, she prevailed and, of course, they lived happily ever after. Who could resist such a tale?

 My wonderful Scottish grandmother, who was the best Granny in the whole wide world and who beats all other Grannies hands down, sadly passed away a couple of years ago. She used to insist on reading all of my books, even though she’d never have been tempted towards urban fantasy otherwise. The only one I think she truly ever enjoyed was Eros, my own re-telling of Cupid and Psyche but set in modern times. I'm okay with admitting that it’s very far from my most popular book but, because my gran loved it, I love it all the more myself too – which I suppose goes to show how deeply complex and deeply wonderful love is, no matter who it’s for or what form it takes.

So whether you’re currently in an intimate relationship or not, in love, or out of love, I truly hope you’re blessed with love and that you have a fabulous Valentine’s Day of your own.

As probably the last person in the world who’d appreciate hearts, flowers and romance, Coop is convinced that true love doesn’t exist – which is rather unfortunate considering he’s also known as Cupid, the God of Love. He’d rather spend his days drinking, womanising and generally having as much fun as he possible can. As far as he’s concerned, shooting people with bolts of pure love is a waste of his time…but then his path crosses with that of shy and retiring Skye Sawyer and nothing will ever be quite the same again.

 Eros is available on Amazon here.

Starry-Eyed Dreams

My husband and I started remodeling our basement back in October. “It’ll take a month or two,” we said. “No big deal,” we said. "Certainly it will be done before the new year,” we said.

Nope. Here we are in February and we’re not sure we’ll get it done by the end of the month.

This “no big deal” project turned into multiple trips to the dump, thrift shops, and home improvement stores. We rented a large digging machine (and didn’t destroy it OR us! Yay!), installed new windows, cabinets, walls, ceilings, plumbing, electricity, and insulation. We’ve barely begun painting, and a bathtub is still blocking my dresser. 

We have a long way to go.

Even if it doesn't end up being perfect, it will be a huge accomplishment (and massive improvement) when it’s done. We’ll have created a living space that started out as nothing more than a “what if” and a lot of starry-eyed dreaming. That makes both of us happy.

I think writing can be a lot like remodeling. 

For me, writing starts with a little “what-if” and a lot of starry-eyed dreaming. Then comes the plotting, the outlining, the scene setting, and finally, the actual writing. There’s sweat. And delays. And doubt. And nights of “I give up!” followed by mornings of “I got this!”

It takes time and it takes work (boy, howdy, it takes work) but when it’s done...when a story is finished and wrapped up in a beautiful cover, it is a thing of joy!

My current writing project is the next Ordinary Magic novel. It should be out this spring. I have a long way to go, and a lot of work to do before it’s done. But I’m looking forward to seeing what my starry-eyed dream turns into, and even more excited to share it with you!